In which I hurt myself....

How does one drive without the most important finger?

I am freezing my ass of. Literally. My ass is frozen and no longer attached to my body. It is one thirty six in the morning. I typically go to bed around nineish. I am jacked through the roof. Also, I have been informed that I am "an accident waiting to happen".

Lemmie give you some back story. My lovely and very special and beautiful married friends and I ate Chinese food, drank wine and then felt compelled to smoke some cigarettes. Unfortunately, it is approximately FOUR FUCKING DEGREES. So, being the creative and stubborn people that we are, we built a fire pit that we felt compelled to sit around and stare into with childlike wonder for FIVE HOURS. During the past five hours several grand things occurred. I will share them with you..................now.

Things that happened:
1. I melted my shoe down to my toe on the fire pit.
2. I shattered a wine glass with my hulk like grip and had to be hog tied and body slammed to the floor so that the slit running down my finger could be bandaged before I bled all over the world or passed out.
3. I saw the blood that had dripped on the floor and collapsed in a nauseated pile on the kitchen floor and made a command decision to purchase stemless wine glasses, so sayeth I, amen.
4.I had to be revived with a glass of bourbon.
5. I froze my ass off
6. I switched to coffee and Kahlua to warm my ass up
7. I got jacked on coffee
8.I pulled my band aid off, looked at my poor hurt little finger and collapsed again.
9. They left me in the floor because they had "already dealt with THAT once"
10. I drank more.
11.I came home.
12. My finger hurts