Diet,Interrupted.

So, reading over the last few posts, I believe that one specific inference can be made. That inference being: I am well on my way to a nervous breakdown. OR....in the middle? of one? Yea, so... Hi!

Because my laptop is a piece of shit, you are unaware of the ridiculous and stupid and lame and dumb and DID I MENTION FUCKING RIDICULOUS diet that I am...er....was? on. That diet was: stop eating.Yea, sooooo, it wasn't really that bad. It was more like a fruit and vegetable diet where there were 1. no carbs and 2. no booze. For the past four days I have lived off of Diet Sundrop, oranges, tomatos, salad and bottled water and coffee.

Let me explain. New Years resolutions, people.Mine were: stop smoking, lose ten pounds, exercise more.

Betcha wondering how well THAT worked for me, aren't ya?

Let me first explain that as I am typing this, this very second, I have consumed:

1) one bottle of Pinot Noir
2) two bowls of pasta
3) seven red Starbursts
4) half of a pint of Ben & Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk ice cream
5) one Lean Cuisine
6) a half a pack of cigarettes

all in the span of about two hours.

Anyway, I tried. It didn't work. On the up side, eating and drinking and smoking makes me a much nicer person to be around.... so, yay that.

Soon there will be a positive, uplifting entry about...I dunno, bunnies or world peace or something. Until then, will someone please come over and pry this bag of Doritos out of my hand?