Dr. Strangelove, Or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Bomb

I bought the MCAT study guide the other day.

Damn that thing is thick. Oh, and EIGHTY dollars. Which, um.....kind of a lot of money. SO anyway, I've been working my way through it, trying to dedicate two hours every weekday to studying for the test.

The first twenty or so pages are really just chocked full of tips on how to learn properly, how our brains regurgitate information and what we can do to ensure that we can access the information that we've packed into our heads....its really strange how we remember some things and don't others.

Thursday I sat down with my dad to discuss what course of action I need to take. This was scary because it made it real and I have waited and waited to tell him about my aspiration because of something he said to me when I was in the tenth grade. Some college kid was working in his office to have some clinical experience to put down on his med school application and dad was giving him all sorts of little jobs to do. Drug reps are always bringing by cakes and candy and food in the vain attempt to persuade him to prescribe their medication to his patients,...dad never eats any of it because I think it makes him feel like he is in some way obligated to return the favor and that causes all kinds of ethical dilemmas SO ANYWAY I had come up to the office to partake in whatever feast had been assembled in the lounge. I was sitting in the chair across from my father's massive desk and the college kid came in to ask some question about Mr.So-in-so in room one, Dad answered and the kid walked out. Next, he looked up at me and said "the best advice I can give to anyone who wants to go into medicine is not to".

Looking back, I remember it in the way that one remembers a scene from a movie watched years ago....but it has always stayed with me. Only recently I have decided that it might be a mistake, but if I never try I'll regret it forever and that really isn't an option for me.

So, failure is not an option. Acknowledging that I have always wanted to be a physician has created an eight million pound gorilla that sits in the room, glaring at me, wearing a stethoscope around his neck. Denial is a very effective coping mechanism.