I gave the dog a bath, he smells a lot better.

I got sick of the black background, it was kind of depressing.

SO, today was my final in Ethics. The thing about the last day you'll be in a class is that people who haven't talked the ENTIRE semester will engage you in conversation.

I guess they figure they'll never see you again so what the hell, right? Anyway, the same guy has sat right next to me for the entire semester and has never said ONE word. No "hey" or "can I borrow a pen" or anything. So today, I walk into class and sit down and skim my notes for the final and the silent guy starts talking to me!

It was insanity, I didn't know that he COULD talk.

It was a pretty normal conversation, but looking back I think he was asking me on a date. Ya'll. I am SO BAD at picking up on stuff like that. He probably thought I was being mean, really I was just being an idiot. You tell me....

Silent Guy (heretofore known as SG): You ready for the test?

Me: I'm probably not as prepared as I should be, are you?

SG: Yea, I feel pretty good about it. I'm sure you'll do fine, you take really good notes.

*****editors note : apparently he has been observing my note taking...it is a little obsessive....lots of color coding and extremely thorough.

Me: Oh, um...yea I guess.

SG: So, have you got more finals?

Me: Yea, one tomorrow, I'm going to try to spend the rest of today at the library (*editors note: It's 2:15 and I'm already on my second glass of wine. See how well THAT plan went)

SG: Oh, well, me too, I finish tomorrow too. What are you doing this weekend?

Me: I don't know,....I might go to the river.....I haven't decided yet.

SG: Oh, well I have tickets to a concert on Saturday and I don't have anyone to go with me.

Me: Well, good luck finding someone!

*then the professor walked in and the test began.

and, scene.

Yea, he totally wanted me to go to that concert. Damnit. I'm a moron. He seemed nice, too....not at all "it puts the lotion in its skin or else it gets the hose again."

I fucking hate writing papers, the dog smells like rotting flesh.

SO, a dove has built its nest inside my front porch. I have this thing about leaving the front porch light on at all times but now I am freaking out. What if the light makes the dove think it's day time and it somehow messes her up? I would feel TERRIBLE if she went berserk because she thought it was ALWAYS daylight and murdered her eggs.

I actually spent the night at my parents house last night so the dove could have a night away from the light. How f'd is that?

We have previously discussed my psycho mother. Well, she has decided that the dove situation is a good omen. That "doves don't build their nests just anywhere, you are special." I think she has finally come to the realization that she is the mother of a child who is, in fact, not special. She is now grabbing for anything that she can to assure herself that I do not suck at life.

She gets it honestly. Last week, I caught my grandmother telling one of her friends that I would probably be engaged by December.

People, I'm not dating anyone. What is she talking about?

Who the fuck does that? And why am I still living in such close vicinity to them? More importantly, why can't I stop using rhetorical questions? TELL ME.

I think this whole dove/familial disappointment obsession has more to do with stress over other matters that is somehow infecting my ability to reason. I've been working on a fifteen page paper on language use and sentience and it is just really getting to me. I feel like someone stuck a vacuum up to my ear and sucked everything out. I just want to sit on the couch and watch Paris Hilton milk cows or something equally irrelevant.

I have not bathed my dog in a month. He is excreting an odor so offensive that if you are closer than three feet to him, you will retch. I'm going to drink two bottles of wine and scrub the stench off the dog tonight. Fun times.

My "things to do" list keeps expanding....I have four dresses in my car, absorbing the car stank because I have to get them altered. By altered, I mean: reduced from the size of a circus tent to that of a dress. HI! I was fat last summer. If there's one thing I've learned in college, its that you cannot drink beer and eat pizza and burgers and not expect to blow up. It took three years to realize this and one year to get the past three years weight off.

Also, there are bills to pay and groceries to buy and all the other grown up shit that I hate doing. I know this is all of the utmost interest to you. Hopefully I'll be more entertaining after exams, .....but I wouldn't raise my expectations if I were you.

Passover Coke.

I love Coca-Cola. I wish I could get myself to like diet as much, but it isn't going to happen. I have tried and tried and tried and it just never sticks. I secretly believe that regular coke has an ability to cure ANY ailment and somehow, when they remove the calories, they lose this special magic as well. We've always called it black aspirin because of its wonderful medicinal qualities. My mother has used it to cure us from everything from fainting to the flu. Every time something goes wrong she immediately suggests "ya'll go get a Coca-Cola and you'll feel better," and she is usually right. So, imagine my excitement when I discovered that this exists! Imagine! No high fructose corn syrup...but PURE cane sugar! Yeee! I'm going to Target tomorrow and they had better the fuck have it in stock.